So I’ve been giving online dating a very unenthusiastic try. As much as my life is led online, I cannot shake this one part of me that would prefer to meet someone the “traditional” way. What that traditional way is, I’ve no idea. Comic-Con, perhaps. In the meantime, I’ve dabbled with OkStupid, but after receiving yet another deeeelighful invitation to join a couple’s “social circle”, I decided that even as a free service, it was too pricey for my sanity much and bailed. A friend was returning to Match and cajoled me into joining her, as we could be each others’ support system. A sponsor, if you will, sans the withdrawal sweats and rehab stay. While she’s having more success than I am (she’s also a decade younger and not nearly as jaded), I did strike up an exchange with one gentleman.
Emails darted back and forth, and I finally acquiesced to his request for my number. Texting began. While there were misspellings (yes, I judge on that), emoticons (ugh, ok, fine, whatever) and — worst of all — the use of “how r u” as an opening, I gritted my teeth and replied. All went well for several exchanges. After he complimented my profile photo (it IS a pretty hot pic of me, fully clothed, pervies) things went downhill.
Him: I want 2 c all of u
Me: [thinking] I want to see you use complete words. Maybe throw in some punctuation. Also, is this his way of asking me out or is this going down “that” road? He’s 40! GET SOME GAME AND ASK ME THE FUCK OUT.
Me: I don’t take those kind of pics.
Him: Dame! I wish
Me: [Thinking] God, as much as I would like to think he’s calling me a “dame”, I’m pretty sure that’s a typo. Is he T9-ing this shit?
Me: Keep wishing
Me: [thinking] Dude, if you’re going to use LOL, either commit to all uppercase or all lowercase. Sentence case is for, you know, sentences.
Him: I will just send u one
Honestly, is it too much to ask that in conversing with a guy, you don’t have to worry that he’ll send you picks of his cock? I realize that I was raised in a ridiculously conservative environment. I don’t think I’ve EVER seen my dad with his shirt off (and let’s go ahead and thank the baby cheesus for that, as the track star physique he had in high school vanished when the mutton chops grew in). However, during what amounts to first contact, I think I am well within my rights to judge you as a creep for volunteering to send me your goody bag.
Also, YOU’RE FORTY. 4-0. Is it too much to ask that you act like a man and not send images that prove you are physically a man? The fact I am trading text messages at a pre-K reading level is distasteful enough, but peener pics? After less than 3 hours of texting?? I just can’t. I’m not looking at every guy or date as The One, but I’m pretty sure The One isn’t going to pext me on the first day. /rant
Me: Seriously? You guys do realize that all chicks do with that is forward those pics to our friends so we can make jokes?
Him: Never mind then