DVD For Cats: This is Why I’m Never Getting Laid Again

•October 29, 2009 • 9 Comments

I’ve been feeling more guilty about leaving Nutsak the One-Eyed Wonder Kitty alone while I go to work and school. Seriously, that one eye = Jewish mother-esque guilt trips.

My apt is is only 520 sq ft, so I’m not sure getting a 2nd kitty for company would be a great idea. Plus, I’m sure there’s nothing a dude loves to hear more than “I’m 30, single, live in a basement studio and have 2 cats. Wanna bang?”

So I leave the  TV on  Animal Planet (I doubt he would like Sci-Fi SyFy) when I’m gone,  but this morning I remembered there are cat DVDs.

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DVD For Cats: While You Are Gone or DVD For Cats: This is Why I'm Never Getting Laid Again

 

There is also a companion cd with such stirring musical numbers as “Twisted Whisker” and I Am Cat, Hear Me Roar”:

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Music Cats Love: While You Are Gone OR Music Cats Love: Play this Loudly to Drown Out Your Sobs

 

Then there’s the Cat Sitter DVD series. It’s very hard to argue with the stellar reviews. “Cats across the country have ecstatically reviewed this lively production. Murray in Phoenix writes: ‘When my human gets home, I lead her straight to the TV. If only I had thumbs to operate the remote.’ Mavis in Savannah raves: ‘I’m positive it’ll win this year’s prestigious Hairball Award!'”

My question is, if I order the dvd should I go ahead and order the ugly bedroom slippers and extra batteries for the vibrator? Because after this post, it’s just going to be me and Waldo, the Adult Pleasure Device for a long, looooooooong time.

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#pbandtuna owes me a liver

•October 19, 2009 • 10 Comments

Apparently I steal drinks when I’m drunk.

Saturday night was the ever so awesome #pbandtuna. Once Flippy and I had sufficiently carbed up on Pizza Boli’s and gave up on the cab I ordered from Comfort Cab (who NEVER called me to let me know my cab arrived) , we snagged a Barwood cab #692 whose driver was a saint for pulling into a parking lot and waiting for us to sprint across Wisconsin Ave. to get to him.

At Stetson’s,  I got to meet some of the coolest peeps that I stalk on the Twitters and blogs, but fer realzy we need nametags or a cheatsheet for keeping the real names and the Twitter/blog names straight.  LiLu has an awesome linkage thing going on her site and once I stalk through the pics on Facebook, expect friend requests from me.

Some highlights as best I can remember:

  • SEEING MY KATERTOT!!!!!!
  • Getting my ass grabbed by Lexa
  • getting tied w/ 12minds in our impromptu “beaner off”.  I still say you look more Hispanic than I do. Re-count!!
  • Flippy and I stealing JP and dmbosstone‘s drinks
  • possibly walking down U St. with a sombrero. That part’s a lil fuzzy.
  • stumbling to Maxie‘s and Cavy‘s hotel room and having a slumber party at 3 am. 6 girls, 2 beds and no, we didn’t have a pillow fight in our undies.  Or did we?
  • Looking like the walk of shame personified in the Breakfast Room at the hotel as I continentaled my breakfast
  • finding out that I stole drinks the next morning via Twitter
  • the accusatory look that the Pizza Boli’s delivery boy gave me after coming to my apt twice in less than 24 hours.
  • dying of death so bad, that not even Gilmore Girls could bring me back

LiLu, you and Maxie looked so freakin’ happy. I’m so glad I could be a part of your night.

ps. while I don’t *think* I bit anybody last night, I do tend to think I’m funny when I’m drunk and occasionally bite. So, if nommed you, much like Lexa’s ass grabs, it was done in love and I’m not sorry.  You were probably damn tasty, too!

GAAAAH!

•October 8, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Every morning I watch the Daily Show while getting ready for work. I generally let the commercials play, since I can never figure out where I last left the Tivo remote (kitchen counter, bathroom door, under a bra). Today,  I was walking to the kitchen when I saw part of this commercial:

Seriously, what Tabasco marketing genius thought this was a good idea??!  While I love me some hot sauce, thanks to that commercial I don’t see myself having pizza ANYTIME in the near future and I sure as FUCK will not be adding hot sauce when I do.  The last thing I need are creepy-eyed faces bubbling up on my slice with tiny sets of bleached teeth serenading me in four-part harmony as I try to eat.

Especially the dude at the bottom. He looks like he would fly off the slice and try to om nom nom nom my jugular.

And I thought the Snuggle Bear and Wrong Way Willy Wonka would haunt my dreams.

“Die, you Devil Bear! DIE”

kitteh pr0n

•October 5, 2009 • 6 Comments

Occasionally MommaPithy will do something that completely throws me. It is usually an off-hand comment during a call or the random email. A few weeks ago, she sent me an email forward with the subject:

Fwd: FW: Rv: SEXO ORAL EN EL SOFÁ……………………………….

(that’s oral sex on the sofa)

My mom’s cousin that lives in Colombia likes to send MommaPithy naughty email forwards. Sadly, it is a rare event that these emails get sent to me, no doubt as a last ditch effort to keep me “pure”.  It’s cute that they try, though.  So when I saw the subject line I figured my cousin had sent it. Nope, it was MommaPithy. Several scrolls later, this is what she sent me:

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kitteh pr0n

kitteh pr0n

I have no words.

TMI Thursday: Vampons — good to the last drop

•October 1, 2009 • 13 Comments

To quote the loverly LiLu:

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!***

On Monday I had my usual weekend-catch-up call w/ my bestie, Sex Therapist. Our convo started out innocently enough w/ me describing a pic that Dirty Haiku sent around of a googly-eye vag and then progressed to her having finally seen Twilight over the weekend. I described for  her my first ever clip of Twilight, which pretty much set the mood for when I did go see it.

Inappropriate laughter at “key” scenes, party of one!

At first we debated why chickys thought Robert Pattison is such a hottie, which led to discussing his abs being body-painted on for New Moon and how much yummier Jacob’s non-spray painted and slightly underage bod is in comparison.

Great, now I feel dirty.

Sex Therapist then brought up a plot hole that had nagged her: What did Edward do when Bella was on the rag?

ST: You know that scene where they’re playing baseball? Maybe when that wind hits her, they’re actually smelling her period?
Pithy: Ooooo, good idea. Time to switch out the Tampax, honey. Yer full.
ST: Be a waste of blood though.

And here’s where the convo spiraled downward.

Pithy: Oh my god, she should totally have just whipped it out and  handed it to Edward for him to snack on.
ST: Like candy!!
Pithy: Tampons would make great vampire lollipops!!!

(10 minutes of cackling followed after I tried singing the Lollipop. Make it juicy for ya, indeed)

ST: So if tampons are lollipops, what would pads be? They’re big, bulky and really absorbent.
Pithy: umm…Klondike bars? OR, or….cotton candy since they’re stuffed with cotton.
Both of us: um, ew.
Pithy: Yeah, I feel like we may have crossed the line there.
ST: Eh, not really.  I can’t wait to tell The Hubby we came up w/ used tampons as vampire lollipops.
Pithy: We could call them Vampons!!! Good to the last drop!!

I can’t wait to see what we come up with when she finally watches True Blood.

Patience possess ye your Farscape

•September 30, 2009 • 1 Comment

About a year ago, I wrote about my love for the quirky sci-fi show, Farscape. Along with Gilmore Girls, this is one of my most pimped shows and as I wrote, the lone TV on DVD collection that remained out of grasp.

I discovered this show in its final season, with only 7 eps until the untimely series finale.  After graduation, I reacquainted myself with the shows I had missed senior year: Alias, ER and Stargate SG-1. One night, I tuned in a little early for  my weekly date w. the hotties of SG1 and saw the last  5 minutes of the preceding show.

I was hooked. I had no idea what this show was, who these people were, why they were kinda-sorta-breaking-up-but-not-really but something about that scene grabbed me.  I started watched the remaining episodes, along with reruns, scoured blogs and TWoP for everything I could find on this show. The more I watched, the more I fell in love w. it.

It was 20 kinds of quirky/crazy (not exactly True Blood season 2 crazy, but crazy in it’s own way), 2 of the main cast were muppet/puppets things from Jim Henson (which most people have issue getting past) , extremely sexy (tons black leather and  hints of S&M)  visually appealing with colorful set design and the makeup/prosthetic, clever writing w. plenty of snarky and funny lines (“It’s not you it’s me. I don’t like you.”) and finally the epic love story of John and Aeryn. Their relationship is probably one of the best things about Farscape and it takes you on all sorts of an emotional roller coaster. Other than Rory’s graduation from Chilton and the last 2 eps of Gilmore Girls, Farscape is the only other show that can make me tear up, no matter how many times I’ve seen that particular ep.

After blogging last year, I decided that since my Google research and various blogs didn’t seem to have any info about Farscape dvds I should nut up and start buying the series as cheaply as I could. From November until about March, I hunted down deals on eBay and Amazon like a Cougar stalks her prey at a college bar. I had alerts set up,  refined my search terms,  and the fastest double-click this side of the Mississippi.  Sloooooowly I amassed seasons 2-4, in a combination of a box set and individual dvds.  Season 1 was out of even my fangirly price range, starting at 80 for a used box set.

Then came  July 2, 2009.

I was innocently scrolling through my Google Reader when I saw this item from Sci-Fi Wire:

“Farscape

Farscape will drop on DVD in The Complete Series Megaset in November as the show marks its 10th anniversary, with all four seasons and hours of extras; executive producer Brian Henson, creator Rockne O’Bannon and stars Ben Browder and Claudia Black will be at this year’s Comic-Con International in San Diego to discuss their favorite moments from the series and the DVD re-release.”

What followed was me jumping up and down in my cube, excitedly whisper-shouting “OMG. FARSCAPE!?!?!!!!!!!!” over and over again.  I’m sure if you ask Flippy for a demonstration at the next happy hour, she will gladly to re-enact it for you.

Once I had scaled down from OMGWTFBBQ levels of excitement to merely ZOMG levels, I started frantically searching for a release date and a price.  Info was embargoed until the Farscape panel at Comin-Con, later in the month. Day after their panel, I was a woman on a mission. I WOULD find info about the dvds despite the fact that my sci-fi/entertainment blogs were dedicating their CC coverage to True Blood, Twilight and others of the fanged persuasion and had no mention of what was obviously a monumental event. I tell you, journalists these days…a-hem.

Finally I was able to find this gem from TVshowsonDVD.com:

FARSCAPE: THE COMPLETE SERIES MEGASET™  Never Before Available in One Complete Package, All Four Fan Favorite Seasons Have Finally Been United In One Stellar 25 Disc Set ($149.95 SRP)    IN STORES NOVEMBER 17

FARSCAPE: THE COMPLETE SERIES MEGASET™ Never Before Available in One Complete Package, All Four Fan Favorite Seasons Have Finally Been United In One Stellar 25 Disc Set ($149.95 SRP) IN STORES NOVEMBER 17

That high-pitched fangirl-y squeeeeeeeeee you heard? Yeah, that was me. Amazon.com had it up for pre-order later that same week,  for a little over $100, (there may or may not have been another squeeeee) which if I do the math correctly is probably less than what I’ve paid for the seasons I have now.  I could order *just* the missing season, b-b-but new packaging? Special features? Brand-spanking new DVDs? Better quality? Mommy want. Mommy want reaaaaaaal bad.  I waited about .002 nanoseconds before ordering it. I did sell most of the Farscape dvds that I had back on eBay to supplement this new purchase. Pretty sure I lost money somewhere in all this, but it will sooooo be worth it in 51 days.

Please don’t judge me.

flirting FAIL

•September 28, 2009 • 6 Comments

My flirt-dar is non-existent. Unless it’s blatant “Hola, Mami”-stylings, I am kinda clueless if a guy is checking me out. For example: A few nights ago  I went went to Whole Foods and for once I had worn makeup to work so I wasn’t looking as blah as I usually do. I sorta forgot that I looked decent and was poking around the produce section looking for my spinach when I thought I caught the eye of a somewhat cutie. At first it registered that he was cute, but the pressing matter of finding spinach was more important. Plus, I thought the glance in my direction  was an accident.

I had 3 things on my mind: spinach, avocados and watermelon. Penis was not on the list.

Once I found my spinach,  and I  started my watermelon search, I saw him near the peaches and he was again casting a glance in my direction. As I looked for my watermelon, I started to think, “heeeyyyy, maybe he’s checking me out??” By the time it registered, and I try to  see if I could catch eyes w/him again, he was gone. And all I could think was how I had just FAIL’d at the produce flirting game.

And then there’s the gym. So for the past couple of trips to the gym there has been this dude that I’ve been eying. We’ll call him Abnormally Tall Hottie. He has to be at least 6’8. Seriously, he’s a Ginormotron. I don’t even reach his shoulder.

The first time I noticed Abnormally Tall Hottie was when he was next to me on the elliptical (which doesn’t help w/ figuring out the height).  He’s got a nice lean body, light brown hair,  tends to wear dark blue  and as Vagabondventures would say, “He’s cute for a white guy.”  But I suspect he’s not that bright.

I was well into my 40-min routine when he jumped on and started going, but soon he was making these weird groany/grunt/gasp things. Dunno if that’s how he catches his breath or he has asthma or what, but he sounded like a pussy. It’s an elliptical, dude. Chicks and old guys use it and we don’t moan like we’re dying. Suck it up.

I didn’t attempt a conversation b/c a) I’m chicken and b)  I was afraid the exertion to speak to me while on the elliptical might have killed him.  After a scolding pep talk from Vagabondventures, I was determined to think about considering attempting conversation w/ ATH.

For starters, I usually only see him walking from one piece of equipment to the other, and I’m usually on the elliptical (glowing red and dripping buckets of sweat) so I can’t easily strike up a convo  but I have noticed that he walks around w. a spiral-bound notebook  and writes in it after reps. Now I get tracking your progress, (and I have been known to lose count of my reps and end up overdoing it)  but to see a dude who’s in shape doing that seems a lil’ “speshul”. Or maybe I’m a bitch.

And there was the time I was rocking out to my favorite Beto song, while on the elliptical. It wasn’t a full -on Brad Pitt dancing on the treadmill (skip to 1:54) scene, but there was definite musical interpretation movement on my part. And lip-synching. My eyes might have been closed too. When I opened them, I saw him looking away from me. Yeeeaaaah.

maaaaybe I’m the one who’s Speshul.