flirting FAIL

My flirt-dar is non-existent. Unless it’s blatant “Hola, Mami”-stylings, I am kinda clueless if a guy is checking me out. For example: A few nights ago  I went went to Whole Foods and for once I had worn makeup to work so I wasn’t looking as blah as I usually do. I sorta forgot that I looked decent and was poking around the produce section looking for my spinach when I thought I caught the eye of a somewhat cutie. At first it registered that he was cute, but the pressing matter of finding spinach was more important. Plus, I thought the glance in my direction  was an accident.

I had 3 things on my mind: spinach, avocados and watermelon. Penis was not on the list.

Once I found my spinach,  and I  started my watermelon search, I saw him near the peaches and he was again casting a glance in my direction. As I looked for my watermelon, I started to think, “heeeyyyy, maybe he’s checking me out??” By the time it registered, and I try to  see if I could catch eyes w/him again, he was gone. And all I could think was how I had just FAIL’d at the produce flirting game.

And then there’s the gym. So for the past couple of trips to the gym there has been this dude that I’ve been eying. We’ll call him Abnormally Tall Hottie. He has to be at least 6’8. Seriously, he’s a Ginormotron. I don’t even reach his shoulder.

The first time I noticed Abnormally Tall Hottie was when he was next to me on the elliptical (which doesn’t help w/ figuring out the height).  He’s got a nice lean body, light brown hair,  tends to wear dark blue  and as Vagabondventures would say, “He’s cute for a white guy.”  But I suspect he’s not that bright.

I was well into my 40-min routine when he jumped on and started going, but soon he was making these weird groany/grunt/gasp things. Dunno if that’s how he catches his breath or he has asthma or what, but he sounded like a pussy. It’s an elliptical, dude. Chicks and old guys use it and we don’t moan like we’re dying. Suck it up.

I didn’t attempt a conversation b/c a) I’m chicken and b)  I was afraid the exertion to speak to me while on the elliptical might have killed him.  After a scolding pep talk from Vagabondventures, I was determined to think about considering attempting conversation w/ ATH.

For starters, I usually only see him walking from one piece of equipment to the other, and I’m usually on the elliptical (glowing red and dripping buckets of sweat) so I can’t easily strike up a convo  but I have noticed that he walks around w. a spiral-bound notebook  and writes in it after reps. Now I get tracking your progress, (and I have been known to lose count of my reps and end up overdoing it)  but to see a dude who’s in shape doing that seems a lil’ “speshul”. Or maybe I’m a bitch.

And there was the time I was rocking out to my favorite Beto song, while on the elliptical. It wasn’t a full -on Brad Pitt dancing on the treadmill (skip to 1:54) scene, but there was definite musical interpretation movement on my part. And lip-synching. My eyes might have been closed too. When I opened them, I saw him looking away from me. Yeeeaaaah.

maaaaybe I’m the one who’s Speshul.

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~ by pithycomments on September 28, 2009.

6 Responses to “flirting FAIL”

  1. “as Vagabondventures would say, “He’s cute for a white guy.” But I suspect he’s not that bright.”

    Racist.

    Oopidity knows no color.

  2. OMG dying laughing, especially picturing your close-eyed lip syncing on the elliptical machine!! Play ATH hard to the left and go for produce penis. Maybe we need to search for ‘flirt-dar’ for you at Radio Shack…

    que, que?? While I figured out ATH, I don’t get the “hard left thing? You KNOW I have issues w/ the left, right, up, down thing. Meanie.

  3. I’m going to stalk you just to see this magical musical interpretation.

  4. The flirt-dars at Radio Shack suck rocks, you’ll do much better ordering the one at Urban Depot… plus you’ll get next day delivery and free installation.

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