TMEye Thursday

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I’ve recounted my many eye-scapades here and here,  (quickie version: have a tube running through my tear ducts and it’s “anchored” in the back of my nose w/ a tiny cotton swap, better known as my nose tampon) and with my last visit I had expected that the teeny-tiny tube that resides in my eye would be removed.  Didn’t happen.  I had yet another appointment once I returned from Barcelona where I was again supposed to have Clyde (yes, I named my tube) removed. Shockingly, didn’t happen.  I was instead prescribed $75 worth of eye drops.  Eyedrops that came with the warning from Dr. Quackadoodle that I might be allergic to them. Ummm, thanks?

While Clyde is just a tube, the real annoyance came from the repeated dr. appts that since February had promised that the “next visit we will take the tube out.” In the meantime, Dr. QuackyMcQuack  prescribes pricey eye drops for Clyde. I develop allergic reaction to said drops which turns into an infection, which requires new drops that I develop an allergic reaction to that turns into an infection…..lather, rinse and repeat.  Since September of last year we have been playing the eye drop game. My bank account loses everytime.

While I don’t have a medical degree,  I was pushing for Clyde and I to part ways, since the thing causing me to have issues was having tube in my eye. And since Clyde and I were only supposed to be together for 6-8 months and we we were now looking at our one-year anniversary together, in my opinion, Clyde needed to go bye-bye.  I was alone in my opinion.

So of course I developed a reaction to the $75 drops and of course, Dr. Quackers prescribes me more drops after telling me that I was leaving him with v. few options b.c of all my allergic reactions. Soooooo fucking sorry, asswipe.  But this time, the reaction was legendary.

First came pain. It hurt to fucking blink. Blinking people!!! It’s not like I can’t do it. And I stare at a computer all day. Then came the constant aching/stabby feeling. It felt like the first time w/ Clyde. Oh, and should you look out the corner of your eye? Yeah, more pain.

And then Saturday morning I wake up, eye crusted shut as it has every morning for the past month, stumble into the bathroom to slap on a hot compress  and what to me wondering eye should I see but…

Blood. Lots of it. From my eye. I looked like I had been in a bar fight.

After staring in the mirror in shock for several minutes, I cleaned up and looked for some sort of gaping wound and found nothing but the usual swelling. I briefly considered the emergency service, but knew with the stellar service I had gotten so far, I would be better served by  just waiting for Monday.

Yesterday after a snarky call to Dr.Quacksalot’s office, I was hurriedly rushed in for an appt. where once again Dr. QuackyQuack starts poking around my eye w/ a q-tip.  My eyelid has developed a “granuloma” which is basically zits of the eyelid. BTW, for a good time,  Google search granuloma — you can get them anywhere on your body…including ye olde wang. Diseased wang is surprisingly not photogenic.

After the pokeypokey, Dr. QuacksRus leans back and informs me that my repeated eye infections has resulted in the aforementioned granuwhatevers and they in turn have transformed into, wait for it…a fungus. On my eyelid. A fungus that can only be removed by Scraping. It. Off. My. Eyelid. Not the outside, mind you…underneath the eyelid.

And Clyde? Dr.QuackersforCocoPuffs says Clyde’s part of my not-so fungus problem and will remove him next week.

RIP, Clyde. RIP.



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~ by pithycomments on July 23, 2009.

7 Responses to “TMEye Thursday”

  1. […] pithycomments’ TMEye Thursday […]

  2. Ugh. Nothing makes me squirm like eye pain/discomfort.

    But seriously: hope it all clears up.

    Gracias! it’s been getting better this week, but if you hear screaming on Monday afternoon around 4 pm, that’s me punching Quacky in the balls.

  3. I think you should sport an eye patch, and walk around saying ‘yarg’… like a pirate. Maybe get a strap on leg pole too

    I do have an eye patch, and a hook. Haven’t had a good leg pole in a while, though. Stupid, fucking Ohio.

  4. and by leg pole I mean a peg leg.

    suuuuuuuuuuure, you did

  5. Maybe Clyde doesn’t want to go anywhere. Maybe he likes being there to share in all of your fungusy, eye-funk life! Poor Clyde!

    Clyde needs to understand that I have needs that he is not meeting.

  6. You should just tell everyone you’re a vampire and cry tears of blood.

    Oh, and also drink a lot for that pain. You can drink red wine and call it blood…

    ooo, I do like to bite, so I can totally pull the vampy thing off

  7. Dr McQuackyPants should have evicted Clyde a long time ago. I hope he’s paid up on his malpractice insurance. Seriously. I’m not sue-happy by any means, but something has got to give here. Damn.

    I’m getting a second opinion when I’m in Colombia next week (so not as sketchy as it sounds), so if he says I got screwed, I’ll solicit for a good malpractice lawyer.

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