and this is why you never travel w/ family, Vol. 3

The next morning, MP declares she’s tired and doesn’t want to do anything. I propose a bus tour. TT wants to go to the mall. We agree on mall then bus tour and I plot my escape later. Now, the mall is directly across the street from the hotel. You can see it from the windows of room. It’s that close. We hit up H&M which is seriously everywhere in Barcelona, much like Starbucks is on every corner here, Zara and a grocery store.  Upon leaving the mall, TT decides he needs to use the bathroom (every single day I had to hear about both their bowel movements or the lack thereof…thank baby jesus for my iPod) and can’t wait to walk across the street to do it, so we plop down at the end of the mall. This  part of the mall had no street exit and was basically a cul-de-sac with a giant tree playground for kids.  It was around 1.30 when MP and I sit and chat and wait. And wait. And wait some more. While TT takes longer than a woman to get ready every morning, this length of time was ridiculous even for him. After 30 mins of waiting, I decided to head back across the street to the hotel w/ the food that needs to be refrigerated while MP waits. I go back, I put up stuff, talk to the concierge and still no WT. Put the shoes back on and head across the street where I run into MP, alone. TT never showed up again. Greeeeeeeeat. We go back to the room, leave all the other bags that MP had, and head back to the mall. We didn’t leave a note, but it was obvious that we had been there. The mall had 3 levels which we walked over and over again. Nothing. MP finds a security guard and I investigate the nearby park. Nothing. We page him. Nothing. MP’s waterworks kick and I basically tell her to suck it up and focus b.c last thing I need is her freaking out.  We go back to the hotel to find his passport so we can go to the concierge and ask for help. We get back to the room and see a note: Dear MP and Miss Pithy, Jajajaja, what a story I have to tell you. I see you have been to the room so I am going back to the mall to look for you. TT.

By now it’s 4.30. We stay in the room and around 7, TT shows up w/ his hi-lar-ious story: Basically the dumbass got the emergency exit sign and the bathroom sign mixed up and went through the emergency exit. When the door closed behind him he realized his mistake, but could not get the door open. Instead of exiting (which he claims there was no exit, but what’s the point of an emergency exit other than exiting???) he spent 45 minutes trying to get the door open again. Somehow he found stairs to the second floor which led to another door that wouldn’t open. Somehow he forced that door open, started searching the mall for us, went back to the hotel, saw that we had been back and instead of staying to wait for us, went back the mall to look for us.

Fucking hysterical. No really, I’m laughing on the inside, I swear.

After stories were exchanged, MP and I head back to the mall to use the free WiFi we discovered during our search. It was at a McDonalds, not a Starbucks. Weird.  TT joined us and then the WT decide they haven’t seen enough of the mall and go for another tour.  After waiting 20 minutes for the craptop to open freaking Firefox, I find out the “free Wifi” isn’t so free. The sign that says free WiFi is written in Catalan, which is similar to Spanish, but occasionally some words are just different enough that I have no idea what it means. This was one of those times. There’s no one w/ working there near me so I can’t ask. I can understand the tiny print that says only 30 mins are free, and by now thanks to the slowness of the donkey turd crap top, 30 mins have come and gone. All around me are demonspawn squealing and running, I can’t close the turdtop since it might take it another 30 mins to come back from standby mode and I don’t really want to walk around carrying the stupid thing completely opened. Meanwhile I can’t leave it and go in and ask since the WT are STILL walking around the mall.  All of the sudden all the stress from the day and the frustration from the week just crashes upon me and I slam the turdtop closed, shove it in the bag and stomped off looking for the Twins. I can’t find them so I go back to the hotel to purchase an hour’s worth of service, cost be damned. I’m miserable. I’m angry. I really want a ciggie, but am unsure as to proper way to ask about bumming one or if that is a total faux-pax here and with my luck the WT would catch me mid-drag and THAT is not a fight I really want to have . My dream trip has been turned into a nightmare by a pair of people under 5 ft in height.

The WT come back and I warn them that I am in a black mood, so please don’t try talking to me. They get pissed and leave. I debate throwing the turdtop out the window. I settle with going to the pool. And who do I find at the pool but the WT? Seriously, even when I try to get rid of them I can’t. After a lil roasty-toasty under the evening sun, I go back and they are still sitting in the pool deck lobby. MP inquires about the tour bus. I tell her that it’s probably too late and we can go tomorrow. I had planned a day trip to Figueres to see the Dali museum, but after the mall shitshow, herding the WT for that expedition is more than I can take. I tell her that the tour is 20 euroes each, and ker-pow, another money lecture followed by the metro ticket lecture. See, we had originally purchased a metro ticket worth 10 rides. Unlike the DC metro, we can all ride with the one ticket, it just won’t last as long. However, this concept wasn’t fully comprehended by TT and he started fussing about the metro ticket usage and the money. So to shut him up, MP and I purchased a 2nd ticket for us to ride on. Now thanks to having 2 tickets and the entire day being wasted on hunting wabbits, we had an excess of rides left on the metro tickets which was completely unacceptable. But not nearly as unacceptable as the idea of spending a combined 60 euroes for the all-day bus tour. So it was agreed that the next day would be on foot.

the wacky hijnks, they continue…


~ by pithycomments on June 6, 2009.

One Response to “and this is why you never travel w/ family, Vol. 3”

  1. “My dream trip has been turned into a nightmare by a pair of people under 5 ft in height.” No wonder you’re prejudice toward midgets.

    it runs deep, my distaste for those minuscule of stature.

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