and this is why you never travel w/ family, Vol. 2

The next day we did our touristy schtuff. The hotel didn’t serve a continental breakfast, so MP and I were hungry and decided we would grab something at a cafe during our first stop. First restaurant we saw was some sort of buffet (you really can’t stop a 60+ Floridian when they see the words “buffet”) so we pop in. Immediately TT starts asking what we’re doing, why are we stopping, and MP tells him that we are getting breakfast. He  looks at the price (10 euroes per person which didn’t seem outrageous) and starts fussing. So there we are in the foyer of the restaurant debating whether or not we are going to eat while the hostess looks at us like we’re idiots. MP finally tells him to can it and we go get our plates. He refuses to eat, but eventually nibbles off of MP’s plate. I resist the urge to use my fork for something other than my food. We had to go through this everytime we stopped to eat outside of dinner.

During that first day a little incident happened that I didn’t find out about until later. We’re walking along Las Ramblas, and some dudes are running a little scam w/ that shell game. We walk past it and the  WT practically wet themselves w/ excitement about the game. I roll my eyes, tell them it’s a scam and to keep walking. They ignore me and go to the game. I walk off. A little while later I look and my mom is squealing that she knows where the nut is, blah blah blah. When I finally drag them away, it’s after they’ve bet money and lost. Well, when TT was taking money oout of his tight little wallet, he got pickpocketed and lost around 100 euroes, something that bugged him the entire trip. If you’re dumb enough to play that game, then you sorta deserve what you get. Oh and it was my fault that I didn’t prevent them from playing the game, despite my telling them it was a scam. I didn’t tell them in the proper manner.

Now those of you that have seen my FB pics may have noticed that I tend to strike certain poses. Truth is we NEVER took pictures growing up (against the religions) so I really never started until college, therefore I always feel really self-conscious about smiling for pics.  I do my lil’ poses and it helps. Well, the Twins aren’t a fan of that, so every. single. time. they take a pic (and they each have a camera, plus mine) I get a lecture on how I’m not smiling properly. Every time. Even w/ my camera, I have to endure the lecture and visual representation of how I should look. At the end of such lectures I didn’t feel like smiling or even taking the picture.  I  just bared my teeth and they loved it. I eventually placed a rule that my camera means my pics so I can smile or pose however I wanted. They agreed but kept trying to make do the smile they wanted by smiling behind the camera. Forget the throat, I wanted to punch them in the face.

That night we had a v. nice dinner and flamenco show to go to, after getting ready back at the hotel, we were cutting it close on time. I voted we take a cab since we were bound to be a lil sweaty and this was my bday day and dinner and I  wanted to arrive sweat-free. Cue up a lecture on spending money. They finally agree to the taxi and as we zoom along, my mother leans over and starts on about how this taxi’s meter is faster than the taxi we had yesterday. Everytime it changed, you could hear a little sound of protest coming from her.  We arrived early to the restaurant and since they have special seating for the show, they can’t let us in early. Cue up a lecture on how we could have taken the Metro and now we’ve wasted money. We sit at an outdoor cafe and wait, watching all the FC Barcelona fans on their way to watch the big game at the jumbo-tron down at Maremagnum, when MP leans over to TT and says “Ees a gud teeng we tooky a taxi, so we cud watchy dese peeeple, no?”  Down, stabby hand, down.

Now when it comes to riding the Metro, I’m particular. If I don’t get the seat to myself, I’d rather stand. And unless I’m really tired, I generally prefer to stand. Well, when riding w. the WonderTwins, if your not sitting with them or standing right next to them, you obviously are being rude. Well, maybe I was, but after the days leading up to the trip and now being crammed into a single hotel room w/ them, I sorta wanted to be alone and if I could get a little distance via Metro, I was taking it. Besides, it’s not like I was in a separate car, I just wasn’t in their laps like they wanted.

One of events I had planned was a tapas tour of La Rambla, Barri Gotic and other little parts nearby. This was the only tour I had planned since I knew we could manage on our own. As we sat in Starbucks waiting for the tour guide, the lecture came: Why are we doing this, why isn’t the guy here, maybe it was a scam, did you sign us up for a scam, you know there will be other people on this tour right, great now we have to talk to other people, the guide isn’t here and we probably got ripped off….

I wanted to throw myself into oncoming traffic, but I doubt that a Vespa is any match for my ass.

Finally the tour guide arrive (um, hello we’re in a Spanish-speaking country and you expect things to be on time??) and we start our tour, which feature some overlap on stuff we had seen the day before. There were slight schedule conflicts, between the tour and us, so I knew this would happen, but figured it would work out just fine. And it did, but of course what did I hear but TT whispering “why doan jew telly a heem that we see dis jesterday?” or “I knew/saw dat already.”  Twitch, twitch.

Every day was like that. The mornings were fine, but at the end of the day something would happen. The third day, we were heading back to a market that we had been to twice already. TT wanted to buy fresh fruit and I wanted to hit up a tapas place we had been to on the tour that had phenomenal food. The tour ended there and as soon was we were done eating the WT wanted to go. I wanted to stay and order another tapa or two, but got the money lecture again. So I thought a good compromise would be, me going to the tapas place and them going to the market. Yeah, not so much. We went our separate ways, and when I re-joined them TT was tired and didn’t want to go this bakery that MP wanted to go to. So we left TT and went to the bakery and pew, pew pew it came. The lecture to end all lectures.

How I was rude and ungrateful, that I didn’t want to hang out w. them, how my uncle was sooooo disappointed in me, I didn’t laugh at their jokes, how I was being threatened with being written out of TT’s will,  and on and on and on. I responded truthfully that they were taking the fun out of this trip for me, that I really didn’t want him on this trip and that I never found what they laughed about particularly funny, that I don’t like it when he just stares at me (which he did on several occasions, and I have no idea why. My boobs maybe? ew)  and most importantly, I couldn’t be myself around them because when I tried I would be lectured. Case in point, we were at a cafe and I ordered a Clara, which is a mix of beer and lemon Fanta. Sounds awful but it was one of the tastiest things I had ever drank. Trying to make conversation w. my mother (who was giving me the stinkeye for ordering the Clara in the first place) I said something about liking the drink and recreating it at home. The response: “Jew know dat beer makey jew fat.” I very seriously considered calling  Cuntinental about changing my ticket to leave earlier.

After an oh-so-awkward dinner (with more ordering fun when it came to drinks thanks to TT not understanding a damn thing in either language) we retired with my making plans to escape on my own the next night for some clubbing.

dun dun dun….

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~ by pithycomments on June 6, 2009.

One Response to “and this is why you never travel w/ family, Vol. 2”

  1. They make lemon Fanta?

    I’m sorry you had to have that lecture. Stab, stab. 😦

    They make lemon Fanta. Haven’t found it here yet. Stab, stab.

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