and this is why you never travel w/ family, the final volume

The next morning when  I wake up, the first words out of MP’s mouth were, “What time does de boos tour thingy leave? We need to get ready.” Twitch, twitch, TWITCH. Sensing a theme here, people?

The bus tour was awesome, and of course that evening there was a fight about me “fun” enough. When I responded as MP had told me during our earlier fight that I should say that I don’t find the jokes funny instead of remaining silent, she responded, “Jew yust don know how to leeeve.” Well mother, if let you see my entire profile on FB and all the uncensored pics, I think you would see that I live just fine. Or maybe if you didn’t criticize me every five minutes I could be myself. But of course, if I point out that what she  says to me is not exactly kosher, I’m told I have an “inferiority complex.” She’s been telling me that I’ve had this complex since I was 8.

It was our last day in Barcelona. The last item on the itinerary was Barceloneta beach, which Lion King had told me I had to visit. I desperately wanted to dip my tootsies in the Mediterranean Sea and take back some sand (dork alert). MP HATES the beach, something that I didn’t really know until this trip and completely explains why I never went to beach when I lived in FL. My first beach visit was during Spring Break when my LU friends stopped in Jax on their way to Miami. I lived 20 minutes from the beach, btw.

So, MP didn’t want to go and I did. MP informs TT of what’s going on and he says he doesn’t want to go to the beach either. We decide that I’ll go to the beach and they will do their own thing. I’m doing cartwheels inside. I change and meet them downstairs at the pool to get the infamous metro card. As I am about to get on the elevator, TT starts asking where I’m going. Ummm…dude?  When he “finds” out that I am going to beach, he starts getting pissed that he was not told. Again, ummmm….dude? You were a part of the conversation that we had deciding this. So we’re standing by the elevators, the WTs having a yelling match about the beach as I try to inch over to another elevator and escape. As soon as one gets there, I shout  that I’m leaving, MP waves me off and the doors close.  I start dancing in the elevator. FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!!!  Visions of drinking claras w/o lectures and smoking a ciggie dance in my head. I’m practically waltzing to the metro, when I think I hear on the breeze, “eeeeeethy, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethy.” I freeze, turn around and there she is. MP is walking as fast as her tiny legs can carry her, red shirt billowing in the breeze and grey hair flowing behind her. And that sound you just heard? That was every ounce of a good mood getting sucked out of me. They were coming w. me to the beach. TT however was leaning against the hotel, like douche that he is and sulking b/c we weren’t going back to the room so he could change into a Speedo. That was the first decision that me and MP agreed on the entire trip.

The entire trip to the beach was blissfully quite since the WT weren’t talking to each other. Once we got to the sandy, beautiful and topless beaches of Barceloneta, they had started fighting again. I left them and plopped down to bake. I didn’t lay out as much as I would have liked since I knew MP was miserable and I wouldn’t be enjoying the beach in the style I had hoped.  We regrouped and decided to go back to the hotel so I could change and then go back to the market so TT could buy MORE fresh fruit. Over the span of 10 minutes we repeated this plan at least 3 times and in the time it took to walk from the lil cafe we were chillin’ at to the metro, TT had completely forgotten the plan (perhaps he forgot when he went back into the cafe to tell the waiter that the excess euroes were what we called in America a “tip” and that he could keep it). So when the metro went in the direction of the hotel and not the market, he started fussing again. I’ve decided that he has some sort of mental deficiency that I hope is not genetic.

Finally, we’re leaving to come back to the States. The entire trip the plan had been to buy wine and pack it in the suitcase for the return, but the WT decided that we should buy the wine at duty-free in the airport since we wouldn’t have to pay taxes. I wasn’t so sure that this was a good idea since MP and  I had more security checkpoints to go through thanks to having 50 connecting flights and thought someone once told me they weren’t allowed to bring booze they had purchased at duty-free through. I went ahead a bought a bottle or two and packed them just to be safe.

At the airport, we’re checking our bags and I’m trying to arrange our carry-on so we each have a bag to carry the wine since again, TT has a different flight than ours. In the midst of my trying to do this TT gets snotty and says he’s not buying any wine. Um, wtf? Apparently, MP thinks he thought that we expected him to buy all the wine which is complete bullshit. I never once said anything of the sort and had planned to buy my own wine. I was completely over this trip by now and just wanted to go home, plus I was getting sick and had the beginnings of a fever. TT’s ticket counter would open for another hour and apparently when I suggested we sit at a cafe and wait w/ some coffee, he got pissed (again, money and again, wtf?) so we just went through to our gates. We stopped at duty-free, but surprise, surprise, the wine  was more expensive and the brands we wanted weren’t there.

We get on our plane and we taxi away and then we just sit. And sit. And sit. I’m not sure how long we waited, but it was long enough that wen we landed in Madrid, we had missed our connecting flight to Newark (after being assured we had plenty of time to ride the train from one part to the airport to the other and go through security again)  where we were to meet TT and fly back to DC together.

Air Europa and Continental Airlines? You both suck ass. There were at least 7 peeps who were on our delayed flight and you couldn’t wait another 10 mins? They were able to get me and MP on the next flight, that left 2 hours later. And cue MP freaking out about TT wandering the Newark airport alone. I was more worried that he would miss his connecting to DC flight looking for us and have to pay for a change in ticket and somehow that would end up as my fault.

We landed w/ enough time to make our connection and found TT at the proper gate. Small miracles. And once back home in DC, we found out that TT did go to the duty-free and stock up on wine, but had to re-pack his suitcase b/c they wouldn’t let him bring it through security. Part of me wishes the bottles had shattered in flight, but they didn’t.

They’ve thankfully gone back home, with all of  us vowing never to travel together. Sadly, I decided that before we ever left. Whether or not my uncle things I’m a horrible person doesn’t mean shit to me. Getting left out of the will doesn’t mean shit to me either. Occasionally I would feel bad that didn’t go to Florida to visit the fam and wondered if maybe I should have just moved to Tampa instead of leaving completely. After this trip, I don’t feel bad at all. The next time I visit FL will be for a connecting flight and that is all. I’m done w/ that state and my family.  My mom and will still talk I’m sure, but I’m not hitting the speed dial anytime soon.

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~ by pithycomments on June 6, 2009.

3 Responses to “and this is why you never travel w/ family, the final volume”

  1. Welcome home.

    My mother: You’re problem is you’re oversensitive.
    Me: If I am, who do you think made me that way?

    She hasn’t said it since.

    I’ve tried that before and it obviously didn’t take. I considered using it again, but it wouldn’t have ended well.

  2. I’m glad you made it back to the States without committing matricide, unclecide, or wonder-twincide. 🙂

    heeee, thanky. I was sorely tempted when we were on a hilltop, not gonna lie.

  3. Not sure if I ever told you about my family trip to Cabo a few Christmases ago, but I didn’t talk to my parents for several months, and it was glorious. Welcome home, sunshine.

    MommaPithy has already called. Thankfully, the phone was on silent and I missed it. She has a selective memory for certain things.

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