Dear Twu Wuv…

As most of you have no doubt noticed there is this fucking annoying “25 things” meme going around like an STD on the facebooks.  If you get infected, you are supposed to spread the love by infecting 25 others while sharing 25 different things about you, no doubt to distract the infectees from the burning sensation down there.

In case you couldn’t tell, I’m not a fan of this meme, not because of the content but because every one and their freakin’ mother is doing it. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if MommaPithy sent it to me.  Let me take the time to say that even if my mother tagged me on that thing I. AM. STILL. NOT. DOING. IT.

So today a random chicky I went to Not!SoLiberty Univ posted that meme, and somehow a peep of her’s comments showed.  The comment was something about “him loving it when he gets it”. My interest was piqued. I clicked on her note and found the “interesting thing” that prompted the comment:

” I’ve written letters to my future husband since I was [a teenager]  and will give them to him one day.”

I had long forgotten that writing letters to your imaginary and future hubby was a practice that was common among the True Love Waits crowd.  Or maybe I blocked it out cuz I thought it was lame.

Here’s my question: Is this a common practice outside of  the Praise Jeebus crowd? I don’t think I any of my “worldy” friends have done this, but I could give you a list of my KJV friends and former friends that do/have done this.  If I remember correctly, the basic idea is to tell your paper hubby how much you wuuuuv him, how you’re praying for him, how you’re saving yourself for him, and whatever else your sexually frustrated heart desires. These are not Naughty-grams, however. That wouldn’t be sanctified and pure. But I’m guessing instead of fucking, you would write about how you’re not fucking. And praying. Lots of prayer.

After you saved all your letters, much like you saved your precious hymen, you presented these letters to your hubby (along w. your promise ring, cuz otherwise he wouldn’t know it’s ok to pokey-pokey in your hole-y hole-y) on your wedding night so he would know how much you wuuuuuuuved him all these years. I’m sure the virginal hubby is THRILLED to read years worth of hormonal scribblings when he just really wants to go to PoundTown. Provided she even lets him near her cobwebby coot on their wedding night —  I know of at least one friend that made him wait til the next day.  I call her BubbleChild for a reason.

I never did the letter writing campaign. Also never did that True Love Waits stupidity. By the time I was old enough to “make a commitment” I had figured out what sex was and was totally ready to ride the Sin Wagon down to PoundTown.

Gee, I hope my future boytoy(s)  are ok with that.


~ by pithycomments on February 3, 2009.

13 Responses to “Dear Twu Wuv…”

  1. *giggles & snorts* People really do that? Throwing up in my mouth now.

  2. people write letters to their non-existent husbands?!?!

    What if they never get married???

  3. ps: I hate that meme too

  4. It’s like a 401K for virgins… they save these letters and their goodies although they may never get married.

    That made sense in my head.

  5. You get a pass on the 25 thing, cause ‘Sin Wagon to PoundTown’ is my new jam.

  6. @VirginityBeOverrated: is it any wonder I didn’t fit in?

    @deutlich: You might want to light a candle in memory of all the dead trees, cuz you keep writing til you git yer man!

    @Flippy: Maybe it should have stayed there?

    @Lauren: Yeeeeesss!!

  7. i’m not doing it either!!!! i will not let facebook turn into myspace with those “notes” which are actually bulletin in disguise. ha

  8. 1) i’m totally going to post the meme friday because I don’t feel like writing a real post

    2) I’m going to start writing letters to my fake husband…maybe I will post them on my blog. They’ll probably say “where the fuck are you? I need someone to clean this house and fix me dinner!” Maybe that won’t work so well…

  9. Coming from someone who grew up in the Bible Belt and in the heart of the NIV crowd, I DID sign the TLW pledge at the mature age of second fucking grade. Did I make it? Yup, all the way to age 17 when I said to hell with, well… me?

    At the encouragement of youth pastors and sunday school teachers, I did write a letter or two to my fake hubby sometime in junior high and I’m so glad those have since been burned or trashed… I clearly did not keep any “promises” about waiting, and I have no regrets about it. Ok, maybe one. Because he was an asshole, but whatever.

    I loved being raised in the South, but God Bless the Liberal Midwest, by the way.

    I love your style!

  10. Hilarious. 25 things is a love it/hate it type of thing, I come from the hate it camp.

  11. I’ve never even HEARD of writing letters to a future husband. That just seems like you’re jinxing it, no? Plus, if I was him, I’d be all, “So you wrote this when you were picturing some other dude in your head? NICE.”

  12. Just stumbled upon this place – excellent content here – adding your feed!

  13. @Alexa: fight the man w/ me!!

    @Maxie: I’ll just print off this ecard:

    @Lily: Thanks!! There’s always room on the Sin Wagon for you!

    @Anth: Fight, fight, fight

    @LiLu: I think they ran out of ideas to keep teens from fucking

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