No, I didn’t wake up w/ a pineapple — the Suprise!Vodka Shot of Death

I’ve mentioned this briefly in posts, but I’m allergic to vodka. Now, most people scoff and say that I just get drunk easily on vodka. To that I say, 2 days of projectile vomit after one drink containing vodka is NOT normal.  Here are just some of my exploits on the Vodkas:

Throwing up in front of the White House during tourist season. A young Touron was heard exclaiming, and I quote, “EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW”  as I marked my territory. 2 days of barfing followed

NYE in Times Square. After the ball dropped my posse headed to the Bulgarian Bar for more drinky drink. At that point the Vodka kicked in and Mono the Porn Star took me outside for some fresh air. I then took him out as we fell down a flight of stairs.  Vodka: 12$ Cover charge: 20$ Panicked, horizontal look on his face: PRICELESS!! 1 day of continuous barfing.

Falling off a stage at a Power Plant bar in Ghettomore. Somehow my drink got switched to one w/ Vodka and I went from pleasantly buzzed to sloppy off my ass drunk and fell/got pushed off a dance stage, lost my shoe, blacked out and threw up for 2 days.

Drawing from these experiences, I steadfastly avoid the vodkas. I don’t blackout when I’m drunk and my hangovers are usually just me feeling like crap and being unable to move off the couch.

So the Saturday before Obamarama,  a group (Flippy, The Princess, Chihuahua, Cabana Boi, Mean Fairy, My Little Pony, The Great White Hunter and Sir JumpsALot, plus a few others…most of which were co-workers) of us met up at a scary crab shack in Bumblefuck, MD in honor of Naughty Limerick visiting for the weekend.  After getting crabby we ended up in downtown Craptapolis at Ram’s Head to get our drink on.  And that’s where it all went wrong…

I settled on a local beer that was supposed to be good. I kinda remember the beer and after the first horrid sips, it ended up being ok. But at some point during the first beer, Flippy and the Princess started making fun of my vodka allergy and saying how they didn’t believe me. After several minutes of this, I agreed to a girls night at The Princess’ new pad where I would drink something w/ vodka, just so they would shut the fuck up about it.   They were pleased with this arrangement and quit harassing me. Shortly thereafter a round of shots appeared, and as usual I asked what were the contents of the shot. The Blonde Enabler (Flippy’s boss) promised me that the shot did not contain vodka, but was some tequila combo.  Silly me, I trusted her.

Two seconds after downing the shot, Blonde Enabler starts guffawing and tells me that the shot  was the Suprise!Vodka Shot of Death.

I. Was. Pissed.  Really pissed.  Actually, I’m still a little pissed. Safe to say, I’m sticking to Corona w/ lime when I go out drinking with this crowd, b/c at least the lime will prevent anyone from sneaking something into my drink.

I immediately started downing all the water that was around me and waited for the spinning to start.  After a bit I still felt fine, but not fine enough to start ordering anything other than the same beer I had been nursing. I figured that as long as I nursed that one, I should be fine. And that’s the last thing I remember really. One shot and a beer and a half later, I have no clue what happened. Bits and pieces like the Blond Enabler apologizing,  Mean Fairy being mean to me, SirJumpsALot wearing Chihuahua’s gloves and me trying to get him to punch the guy next to him, a second shot that the waitress made for me that didn’t have Vodka and having to add the tip to my tab are pretty much it.  Of the five hours were were at the bar,  I remember the first hour. Considering that the total amount of booze consumed were 2 1/2 beers, 2 shots and sips of a bourbon and coke, you’d think I remember more.

Thankfully Chihuahua had come to visit me that weekend or I would have been screwed. And had she not been there I probably wouldn’t even had the Suprise!Vodka Shot of Death to begin with, but I knew she’d have my back and wouldn’t let me do anything too stupid.

The next morning I began uploaded what I thought were the few pics from the night before, since I didn’t remember any camera action. 141 pics later I still didn’t remember what happened, but I had plenty of documentation.  Y’know how iPhoto gives you a glimpse of the pics as you upload from your camera?  Let me tell you, when you have NO clue what happened the night before and you’re under the impression that you just sat in your seat talking shit w/ people, seeing lil’ clips of you attached to various people is grrrrrreat.

Once Chihuahua woke up (for some ungodly reason I woke up at 5 am and could fall back asleep) she played a little game w/ me called “Do You Remember?”

Chihuahua: Do you remember calling Lion King?

Pithy:  Wha? when?

C: Do you remember molesting Sir JumpsALot?

P:  oh, shit

C: do you remember throwing up?

P: On Conn. Ave?? Yes!! Wait, did I do that another time too??

After closer examination of the pics, it was determined that vodka made me REALLY huggy/handsy. I mean REALLY Huggy. I rarely hug anyone other than my cat, so to see me hugging and re-hugging my friends is quite the anomaly.

I vaguely remember posing for a few pics, and unfortunately, biting Sir JumpsALot’s arm and leaving quite the mark, but that’s about it.  Chihuahua assured me I didn’t do anything too embarrassing, so I felt somewhat reassured that the worst I had done was leave quite the impression, both dental and otherwise.

Later, I checked my FB to see that Might White Hunter had updated his status to read: Hand is hurt and swollen. Going to the hospital. Thanks, Pithy.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I held on to the hope that it was the other girl w. the same name as me that had hurt his hand, since I didn’t remember talking to him that much. And as we all know, my memory of that night is rather flawed.  I didn’t want to ask him what happened, b/c I was sorta afraid of the answer. Flippy did ask him and his response was that I tried to break his hand, which would explain the bruises on my hand I woke up with.

Here’s a little something you should know about me:  Sober, I’m feisty. Drunk I’m FEISTY, flirty and think I’m funny. Biting someone’s arm has happened before and in this case, while I think in happened when me, the Princess and Sir JumpsALot/Pithy’s Chew Toy somehow ended up in Flippy’s lap. (rumor has it I fell when we were taking a pic and took them down w/ me) Again, I vaguely remember my head being covered/held down and can totally see me biting the first thing in front of me to get out. I can also see me just biting an arm b/c I think it’s funny.

But I have to say, Mighty White Hunter is not some stick figure of  a boy and I fail to see how a lil’ bellydance like me could have inflicted that much harm. He’s not walking around w/ his hand in a cast or anything.  A few days later I found out that I tried to break Mean Fairy’s hand as well. Ooopsie?

In the end we had 2 almost “broken” hands, 1 chew toy, 1 molestation victim, several bruises, countless hugs from me  and a a renewed vow to avoid vodka. So while I didn’t die or throw up for 2 days, I’m still kinda pissed about the whole thing.  Had I gotten myself drunk and done this, fine.  But that the Suprise!Vodka Shot of Death was foisted upon me, makes Pithy angry. And trust me, you wouldn’t like Pithy when she’s angry. She has a Machete. However, I don’t think I have to worry about someone sneaking vodka in my drinks again, since pretty much everyone at our table got a good look at Pissed!Pithy, which was soon followed by Huggy!Pithy. And for some, Huggy!Pithy was scarier.

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~ by pithycomments on January 26, 2009.

3 Responses to “No, I didn’t wake up w/ a pineapple — the Suprise!Vodka Shot of Death”

  1. Oh my.

    That was hilarious.

  2. It was the best day….

    Are we still having the vodka party at DR’s or did the enabler ruin it for me?

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