The Purple People Eater vs. No Sangria Left Behind

As you might know, I’m headed to Barcelona for my 30th birthday this May. Going with me on what I am calling the No Sangria Left Behind Tour, is MommaPithy.  You can imagine the blog fodder that will result of having the two of us sitting at a sidewalk cafe, getting sloshed on Sangria while my mother flirts w/ Spanish hotties under the guise of hooking me up with them.

MommaPithy is currently enhancing her wardrobe for this trip since living the Armpit of Florida doesn’t usually require anything fancier than a tank-top and Bermuda shorts. There is one slight problem with this:  MommaPithy is the same woman that had orange shag carpeting complete w/ matching wallpaper and faux wood paneling in her house as a young woman.  While I never saw the orange shag, I did see the matching wallpaper (it were fugly), the wood paneling, her sackcloth and ashes inspired clothing phase, the muu-muu clothing phase,  the large floral patterns clothing phase, and on it goes.  The woman does not have good clothing taste.

While I don’t proclaim to be a fashionista, but I can occasionally pull together a cute outfit and know enough to stay far away from the Kathie Lee Gifford line of clothing. As a result of her past sins, I enacted a rule that I had final say on all items in her wardrobe for this trip. I am not going to immortalized in pictures standing next to a floral muu-muu w/ sequins. (ok, she hasn’t donned a muu-muu since the 80’s, but there’s always a fear that it might return)

So with that in mind, you can imagine the chill that crept up my spine when MommaPithy IM’d me to let me know she had bought clothing for No Sangria Left Behind. She has improved her taste, especially since she now wears slacks, but there is the occasional epic FAIL.  I immediately demanded photos of said items to pass judgment.

Emailing photos has never really been a successful experiment w/ MommaPithy, so after several blank emails I directed her towards the Facebooks to upload a photo.  (I know, I know, but it was so much easier to do this than deal w/ her and her emails).

She uploaded successfully. And this is what greeted me:

gaaaaaaaah...make it stop!!!

gaaaaaaaah...make it stop!!!

See what I have to deal with?!?!

Best part was that my mom went shopping with Rotund Aunty who I previously thought to have good taste in clothing and thus was safe to let go on shopping trips w/ my mother. Apparently I was so very wrong.

Me: You bring that purple monstrosity here and I WILL burn it. Actually, go ahead and bring it so I can burn it

Momma: No. Rotund Aunty buy eet forrr me.

Me: What?!?! Was she on pain meds?? Did you guys have a fight??

Momma: Chee lovey dee paisleys. Chee cee dee paisley and chee lovey eet. Jew no burn.  I no breengy eet.

I can only imagine what else she might acquire from now til May. As Naughty Limerick pointed out, I could always pack a shawl/blanket to cover her with, but I’m a fan of shoving her out the pictures at the last second.

Me: Look, Ma!!! Carlos Ponce!!!

MommaPithy: Que!!! Where?!?! Carlos!!



~ by pithycomments on January 7, 2009.

3 Responses to “The Purple People Eater vs. No Sangria Left Behind”

  1. my mom is adorable, but she wears some of the WORST stuff– I feel your pain!

  2. I know it’s awful, but there is NOTHING so funny as your imitation of your mama’s accent. Except maybe that outfit, but for some reason I can’t see it, so I’ll never know…

  3. Excellent content here and a nice writing style too – keep up the great work!

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