Consuela’s gonna deep fry everything!! (or Consuela, the Fry Goddess)

Our lil’ Turkey Day Potluck turned out to be a great success! Flippy, DR and I learned that 3 ADD-prone women are probably not the best hostesses for something involving a turkey. We also learned that when it comes to guesstimating how much food we’ll need for 12 people, we prefer to err on the side of having 15 lbs worth of stuffing.

Somewhere between  molesting stuffing the turkey and my latent Southern gene kicking into high gear w. the hot oil, I picked up a new moniker: Consuela.  This was courtesy of a smug Mexi-fry who was too lazy to fly in for the dinner and sent his snark via Twitter and Facebook.

After the first round of foodstuffs (we had butternut squash soup, mashed taters, candied yams, green bean casserole, gandules con coco, Corona rice, my kickass salsa, drunk corn pudding, stuffing, turkey, rolls, salad, piggies in a blanket, piggies in a bbq sauce, 4 kinds of pie, punkin cookies and vanilla mufcakes) we migrated upstairs to the kitchen to get my fry on.

I started w/ the Fried Cranberry Fritters Critters. I’m sure Paula Deans’ turned out more appetizing than mine, cuz, this is not what my deep-fried dreams were made of:

Consuela's gonna get a beating for this...

Cranberry Critter or Raccoon Run Over on the Beltway...you decide

As you can see the Critters resemble something scraped off the side of the road instead of a tasty treat.  This is what I was hoping for:

Paula Dean's Deep-Fried Cranberry Sauce Fritters

so good in theory

In my Fritter’s defense, they were fried first, so there might have been heating issues.  After the CritterFritter Fiasco, it time for the dessert I was really looking forward to introducing to Señor Deep Frito: The punkin pie!

Love me some pie

Love me some pie

This actually came out looking like the original and would not be mistaken for something that Flippy was afraid of and then hit with her car.  In addition to looking edible, these were damn tasty.

After two rounds of frying I was ready to fry more. Had the mashed taters or stuffing been given up as offerings to the Consuela, the Fry Goddess they would have been happily accepted. Sadly, Consuela’s worshipers are not down with the deep fry…yet.

This year the punkin pie, next year  Consuela’s frying the turkey, bitches!!

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~ by pithycomments on November 24, 2008.

7 Responses to “Consuela’s gonna deep fry everything!! (or Consuela, the Fry Goddess)”

  1. Seriously, we should go into the fried pie business. We make it look (taste?) gooooooood.

  2. did they at least *taste* good?

  3. Daaaaamn! I’m really, really hungry now. How did the roadkill taste? I would have totally slapped that on a slab of butchered, molested turky.

  4. Ooo, on turkey it would’ve been really good. We’ll have to try that next year. Or for Christmas…

  5. I’m bummed, those fritters looked like they were going to be so good! It probably was just heating issues- I’m sure a second time around would be more successful.

    Side note, one Thanksgiving an ex and I wrapped an ENTIRE TURKEY IN BACON. NO REALLY, AN ENTIRE TURKEY. And then cooked it for hours. It was un freaking REAL good.

  6. @Flippy: considering how you literally threw the last pie into the pot full of hot, bubbling oil, I foresee our Fried Pie business burning down on the 2nd day.

    @alexa: the pies tasted good…the critters…we won’t speak of that

    @Poem: We didn’t think of that. Probably due to the second round of Aguardiente shots.

    @LiLu: OMG, I soooo wanted to do that to the turkey, but I got shot down. They thought it would be too salty. Pussies. And I think part of the Critter’s downfall was heating/the sauce started to melt while in line to fry.

  7. […] Today the Endless Simmer provided me w/ a  food-gasm.  While Thanksgiving might be 273 days away, Consuela, the Fry Goddess just found a lil’ something that is totally going on the menu this year. (RIP  […]

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