I never do anything like this…

So the Roomie and I saw 27 Dresses last weekend, and those of you who know me know that I am not the mushy, sentimental type, yet something about this movie made me feel the slightest twinge in the area that occupies what normal people call the “heart.” Any moisture in the facial region was brought about by my over-active tear duct.

I am not sure what brought this twinge on – the stress from my impending move, PMS, the honey-chipotle chicken from Chili’s that preceded the movie, Chik-fil-A withdrawal – but there was a definite something in that area.

Now all snark aside, I know what brought this on: this year I will be celebrating the last year of my roaring twenties and I am still extremely single with no chance of that changing in the foreseeable future. For the most part, this does not bother me. I like having total control of the Tivo, my Netflix queue being filled with artsy, foreign films and indulging my raging caffeine habit. But every once and a while this little thought will pop into my head… “I’d really like to have a boyfriend.”

I usually push that thought aside and tell myself that I’m being silly and girly. I convince myself that I have no need of such a frivolous accessory and go about burying myself in work, school and/or belly dance. Lately, pushing that nagging little thought aside and been harder and harder – I really do want someone and I don’t think it’s silly or girly to admit it.

In 27 Dresses, there was a delightfully snarky writer played by the yummy James Marsden, who said one sentence that really, REALLY got me. In the middle of an argument with Katherine Heigl’s character, he tells her that she needs to stop taking care of other people and “let someone take care of you for a change.”

Much like the “I like you, just the way you are” scene with Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones, that one little line is all I want to hear. I could care less about him giving me flowers or buying me jewelry; flowers die and I’d probably pawn the jewelry to shop at Metropark or Sephora. Those two little sentences, however, would turn me into meek, purring little kitten.

But I haven’t heard those words, despite trying. And now, after several failures I find myself afraid that I won’t ever hear them.

I’m tired of putting my mother as my emergency contact. I’m tired of only male presence in my life being my cat. I’m tired of going salsa dancing and having to dance with the guy who smells like a combo of CK One knockoff, Suavitel and sweat. I’m tired of having to do everything alone; just once it would be nice to have that someone around to distract me and encourage me. For once I’d like to have someone take over for five minutes, so I could have a break.

But it is just me. So, I will Tivo Stargate and Ugly Betty; I will have a Gilmore Girls marathon whenever I feel like it; I will drink that extra cup of coffee; and I will keep hoping that there is someone out there for me who will like me just the way I am and will want to take care of me for five or ten minutes.

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~ by pithycomments on January 23, 2008.

7 Responses to “I never do anything like this…”

  1. I have a tendency to build walls and to fall for guys who are bound to break my heart because of a fear of commitment and an overwhelming need to be in control of my own life. Letting someone take care of you is a terrifying thing — what happens if you let him in and he changes his mind? What if you change your mind? I have days where none of that matters, though — I just want someone to hug me and not let go. That’s completely normal, and I don’t think it’s too silly or girly for you to admit.

    And, hey. At least your cat is male.

  2. First off… Perhaps I have not been clear enough in my ramblings to scare you from this thing called marriage forever and ever.. I’ll try harder. Now, second…read flipsflops comments…I apparently have gotten through to her and lastly, I’ll be your emergency contact…

    Seriously, and let this be a lesson to you both, I never wanted this and then suddenly had the twinge of wanting someone to share things with. Despite the ups and downs, its great but, and this is a big one, if you want someone to greet you when you walk in, watch tv with, give you a good loving hug… you want a friend. If you want someone to share in every single decision you make, then you want a husband or wife. Don’t confuse the two:)

  3. About six years ago I decided I was going to become a serial dater (right after I picked up the pieces from my 2nd failed major relationship). I had a great time…met lots of guys, dated lots of guys (ahem…but always came home alone…I’m a total prude), and found a few new hobbies (I never would have gone to a batting cage on my own). And when I realized that one guy in particular was not a serial dater (like me), but a potential keeper…I cried for hours. I was SO not up for that crap again! Anyhoo…my point is, it will happen when you least expect it. Until then, it’s perfectly normal to want it…or not..or to alternate between the two. You are super hot and super smart, with super friends who will gladly break into your apartment and await your arrival with open arms. :o)

  4. Just to clarify, I’ve never wanted a husband. The princess has just helped reinforce my opinion, as have most of the married people I know…. but that’s a whole other story.

  5. I’m going to pipe into this, tho perhaps I shouldn’t. I agree with flips – I don’t think it’s girly that you want that. I think everyone wants someone to love and to be loved back – unconditionally.

    My only advice is to find that friend like what’s her name said, not a hubby.

    My greatest love was/is my best friend.

  6. You are always welcome to pipe in!
    I’m not really in the market for a hubby. I would like a relationship that lasts longer than two minutes and is more substantial than what I’ve had.

    I do know that whoever signs up for the Colombiana crazy train would have to be my partner in crime/best friend.

  7. […] watch it because I wasn’t feeling like watching the snarkaliciously yummy James Marsden reminding me that I’m single. I opted instead to chat with my BFF, Sex Therapist, about our upcoming Drinko de Mayo weekend. I […]

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